I hate slow change. I've never had a problem changing directions...except when it comes to this. I want to take it slow and make permanent changes, but sheesh! That's not how I live. I want it all, now. I know that's screwed up, and I beat myself up when it doesn't happen like that and I know that's wrong. So how do I come to a happy medium? The ugly D word. I've been struggling with it, it's like a scratchy jacket that's tight in the shoulders. The perk is if I can wear it long enough, my skin will be nicely exfoliated and it won't be so tight.
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It's been the first week in a while that I've thought to myself I may have lost weight. I've been walking, eating healthier (although not completely crap free). I can see the fog lifting and know changing is within my grasp.
This weekend it's supposed to be super duper hot. That translates to me: SWIMMING! Woo hooo! My friend Ruth is coming over for the weekend and I anticipate that is what we will do. What I can't decide is do I go back to that clear mountain river that I went to a couple weeks ago or do we hit a delta river/lake??!! Both extremely acceptable options and both will be activities that will keep me moving. Love it! <3 As you may know by now, I've been complaining that my favorite walk along the nature trail next to the river hasn't been happening lately because they started charging to get it AND apparently small dogs are not allowed in nature. Ya ya, excuses but it is what it is. Well the good news is, I found a trail that goes along the other side of the lake that I'm going to take a shot at with Emma in tow. It's a bit of a walk but I'm up for the challenge!
I was looking at a word that I put on my wall today, it's an ugly ugly word. I don't think I should even share it because just the thought gives me shutters, but since I had to look at it and you're reading my blog, YOU get to look at it. It's discipline....let it feed into your soul :) After finishing of the package of blueberries today, it occurred to me - blueberries can stain. Good thing I didn't get any on my clothes, we're good there. Then I caught my satisfied smile in the rear view mirror - what the...!!! I was grateful it was a stop light because it certainly would have caused me to swerve. Those pearly whites need a bit of a perk :D
All blueberry joking aside, it's Thursday and my week has been going good. Not super human awesome but I'm being more conscience of thinking about my food and carefully considering exercise. LOL Ok, sounds worse to say out loud because I know my own excuses when I hear them. I know what I need to do, just haven't done it yet. Sean said she lost her weight without exercising. If I didn't know her better, I would think she didn't like food and drink as well as I do but she's an awesome cook and drinks more in a week than I do in a month (hehehe I'm teasing). I know that I could certainly lose the weight by controlling food alone but I know from experience, my head needs the exercise. It makes me feel really good to get out of the house and breathe in deep. I struggle with taking time for myself, even when I don't have anyone that has to have me around. It's almost like I'm afraid they might. Ya, that again is something that sounds worse saying out loud. So working past my own messed up head is 3/4 of the battle for me. A battle I shall win, oh yes I shall :) I have to say, we had a FANTASTIC day on the river! I had never gone there before and had no idea what was in store. It was a clear mountain stream flowing over granite rocks. We got to swim around, under and through them - even slide on them! It was so much fun I didn't even realize until the ride home.....I was using muscles. MAN! That was the funnest workout ever but I'm so sore! Forgot I even had some of the muscles that hurt right now :D
Well that was my catalyst for this week. Now I don't want to get all crazy and say I've started...again BUT - I think I've started back down the right track again. I packed healthy foods the last two days for work (Costco had a big container of fresh blueberries that are SO good) and I'm taking my vitamins (including the very tart Ionic Fizz Calcium Plus Magnesium that my mom gave me). I'm not going to beat myself up with all the stuff I think I have to do. Instead, I'm baby steppin it. Get the things down that I've changed then add more as I go along. That way it's something I have to keep working at but it's not overwhelming. UGH I hate logging my food. The thing I've found is when I don't log my food, it's bad because I lose track and it messes with my head. So I'm tracking my food on Lose It again. The app is easy to use on my Kindle. So here is to everyone baby steppin it along - keep going forward! We can dooo itt!!! :) How is one to blog regularly without a computer? I'm so sorry I haven't been around lately. At the moment I'm at work so this is real short. Here is what's up - nothing :( Well, I take that back. I'm working a lot and enjoying the summer. This weekend the kids and I are going floating down the river with my sisters and their families, I can't wait! I just am having the worst problem motivating myself to move, it sucks :( I wish I had the enthusiasm for change that I had in January. Back then I was worried I was too positive to encourage others. Now I've done an entire pendulum swing. I can do this, I just gotta....do it! lol Much love to all those out there just trying to do it as well! xoxox
I'm doing terrible. After joining Weight Watchers I have GAINED 6 lbs in the past month. Not good. The thing is, I haven't even done the program. Talk about wasting money :( So it comes down to this question....WHY? Yeah yeah yeah, I've been stressed lately - not a good excuse. Everyone knows that exercise and eating right makes you feel better, so why do I do this to myself? Don't know. Guess if I did then I'd have half the problem solved. I just feel bummed out in general. How can I feel happy and bummed at the same time? Because I'm just that good :D
Today I choose to be happy! Ok ya, I'm still over weight, under paid, have a dog that won't house break, constantly question my parenting abilities and wonder where the heck I'm going. That stuff doesn't matter. What matters is that in all those areas and then some, I'm doing what I can to make a difference. The two pounds I lost last week kinda nudged me along and I am making better choices. I swam at the lake last weekend and got a pretty good work out! Having fun and burning calories is so much better than punching in at the gym. Don't get me wrong, I love me some gym time when I'm in the zone. What makes me feel good right now is being outside and enjoying being alive. Walking the nature trail, swimming at the lake, or even washing my car.
I don't think there is a lot that can replace the feeling you get when you are taking care of yourself. Does that sound selfish? Then let me ask you this - how does it feel when your child goes on their own to get their hair cut, buy new clothes or go to the dentist? It makes me feel proud, happy for them and inside I know that if they are doing good things for themselves then they are feeling good about themselves as well. Same thing goes for us. Sure, people can go over board with the me-thing, but I'm just talking about a healthy care for self. No one else takes care of me but me. I remember that I am precious in God's sight and that as a good Father, he loves to see me taking care of myself. I want to honor him that way. So today I will put the right things into my body and drive under 80 - it's the least I can do :) Will I be the winner of the 6 dollars this week, or will I have again sacrificed the equivalent of a cold beverage to someone else's weight loss? I soon shall see :D Haven't walked yet but will do it today just because I made a commitment to myself. Heck, I may eat a cookie but I WILL keep my word to myself. Myself gets mad when I let myself down...lol.
This weekend I am going to film some footage for my video submission to The Biggest Loser. I wish so bad I had a video camera of the last time I went to the water park, it was hilarious. I tried jumping butt first into the inner tube while fighting the "river" current. Good lordy that was not easy. When I finally got in, my legs were sticking high into the sky and my butt was caught in the donut hole. Ended up deciding that my back needed more sun than my front so just floated on my belly. Note to self: Lose some more weight before attempting that again :) Tonight after I workout and shower I'm going to write down my menu for the next week. I'm finding with work, last minute meal planning just isn't an option. The kids have been helpful but I need to work with them to take the cooking up a notch. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a pot of spaghetti like the next person but it's just a little bit better with a salad or steamed broccoli. MMMmmm steamed broccoli...I'm hungry! :D Hehehe This is me in line for The Biggest Loser auditions in Los Angeles last weekend. I am the one to the left of the lady with the blue bag. We did pretty well, was number 273 in line. It was interesting to see all the different sorts of people waiting in line to audition. One thing stood out to me - there was a marketing opportunity that was totally lost! As soon as those people come out of auditions they should be inundated with opportunities to make a change in their lives. No one airs their dirty laundry or tells their REAL weight without being in a place where they want it to change. Making the show would be amazing, but the fact is most of us won't be on it so what's our option B? Option B is to deal stop making excuses and start baby stepping to change. I've been so off track since starting work but I can't live in that space. Being fat stinks (both literally and figuratively) lol. My baby step for this week is I'm going to walk 3x for a mile and a half. If I do more, great but I'm going to ease back into it. The plantar fasciatis last time was noooo fun. So I move a bit, avoid any major calorie abuses and get back on the right track! Ug, just thought about Weight Watcher weigh in on Thursday....lol Oh well, I need to deal in reality and that scale is my reality. I can do this :) |
AuthorMy name is Kat and I'm a single mom of two young adults. I have not always been overweight but after having children and going through some personal hurdles, let it get out of control. My philosophy about eating is this: Eat real food. Real eggs, butter, veggies. Eliminating processed junk as much as possible. I eat butter, not faux butter product because I believe my body can better process real food rather than chemicals. Archives
January 2015
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