RIght? Trying the same thing expecting different results. I'm out of ideas of what I can do to make it different, at the same time giving up is to resolve myself to the remainder of my life being restricted and in pain. I just read through what I've written in the past and this pattern needs to stop. Why do I turn to food as a stress relief. Tastes good, doesn't take long for a fix, it's not drugs (but is it?).
Wow, food is my drug. I'm an addict. Fat people can be addicts and still show maintain a job and their status in society - or can they. Some job opportunities can be lost because of physical appearance or restrictions. Society status can be lost because of judgement of my outward appearance. Some people are overweight because of medical things they can't help but I'm not in that category. My weight sends a message that there is something wrong in my life even though that may not be how it's consciously processed, I think people know it somewhere deep inside. If food is a drug (in my case), then wouldn't it make sense that I could check myself into a program? Ok, a program that doesn't cost a gazillion dollars. I'm going to see if there is one. I'm back. I did a search for food rehab center which gave me a few options but then it occurred to me - COVID. lol On to the next idea. Here's the next idea: Square one - again. I can't give up trying! Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe this time I can do it. I found a video on YouTube (I will post it). It is low impact and a good place to start. I'm committing to do it 4x a week. We shall see how that goes. I'm also committing to cut out junk food. If you are struggling too, please comment below. I need all the encouragement I can get. (Trolls not allowed).
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Historically speaking this is a crazy time. Weight loss speaking, it's sucked. It took me almost a month to get over the fact that what I had crammed for (a weight loss of 20 lbs) was not going to matter for a while. I now have clear evidence that contrary to what I thought, I don't pivot well.
So I gained my weight back, had some all day tv binge sessions and am now coming into another pivot. I want to be ready to have surgery when this is all over. Although when that may be is daunting, I choose to try. Woke up this morning and knew I needed to walk first before anything. It really did set the pace for my day! I sewed a mask, listened to 3 different podcasts and am halfway through making pickles for the first time. It's so strange creating a day that centers on taking care of the different aspects of myself. Probably a good thing, as many over weight people tend to not do that enough. As you can see from my comments below, this isn't the first time I've tried to lose weight. Always successful, to a point. I can remember as a child the doctor telling my mom I should lose 20 lbs. I'm sure I'm not alone in people who want to go back to those days! :)
So this year I took a step and emailed my doctor about the possibility of bariatric surgery. The next thing I know things are moving along and I'm seeing light at the end of a fat tunnel! I went to orientation, met my surgeon and was very close to going to weigh in when the COVID thing hit. Now i'm on my third week of being furloughed from work and staying home. I won't lie, I've been super bummed. I have gained weight, going to bed late, waking up late and have no desire to walk around. I had no idea that in my every day life of just going to work I would get around 5000 steps in a day. It's 1:30 pm and I have 873. This isn't the legacy of time off that I want to leave. I decided I'm going to baby step my way to success. What are the things we need to do before/after surgery:
I'm not saying this is going to be the solution or anything. I'm just saying maybe it could. :) So, I know that two day's isn't that long but I'm so happy! I've lost 4 pounds so far! Call it water, call it a battery fluke in my scale but I will tell you - if it had been 4 pounds in the other direction I wouldn't be blaming those things. My challenge has been evening hunger, which is a new one because I'm not a night time snacker. I haven't been tracking my food because I know with two shakes a day and healthy meal I'm under whatever calories I should be eating. The problem when I don't track is I don't think I'm eating enough and that's leading to the night time "Oh my gosh I'm starving!". I'm going to run to the grocery store today and buy some healthy snacks so that I don't have the crash at night. I'm totally craving celery for some strange reason. Mmmmm celery and PB2 mixed with some water :) Also I'm probably going to start tracking at some point, just not ready to do that now. I've added this video because I love that it's only 5 minutes, at home and looks like it's easy. Aw who am I kidding, I have stairs - they're not easy :) Regardless, as soon as my broken foot heals I'm going to add this into my daily routine. Who doesn't have 5 minutes? No, this isn't my first weight loss rodeo. I'm scared, only marginally motivated and hoping that it will work if I work it. The reason I'm posting here is to hold myself accountable and to encourage others that feel the same way I do.
Today I had a wonderful conversation with my friend, Grace, and her health coach, Jorge. They both are on this journey as well and it's always encouraging to know this is not an impossible task. It doesn't matter how many times I've tried. It matters if I'm going to try again. I know how to eat well, I know how to work out, I just haven't. I can pile up the excuses but at the end of the day that is what they are. Now I've reached a weight that scares me and makes life uncomfortable. I say NO to that. Ok, maybe I'm a bit more motivated than I afore mentioned. Either way I'm going forward. I'm checking in weekly with my updates. Cheers to all who are traveling this path as well. <3 |
AuthorMy name is Kat. I'm 54 and working towards a goal - to have my outside reflect my inside :) Archives
August 2020
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